I’m going to start off by saying it’s hard. No one tells you that you will lose a part of yourself when becoming a parent. Time slows down, while your child or children’s time speeds up for all your attention and care. So much goes into parenting. Whether you’re doing it alone or with someone. Either way it comes with it’s struggles and challenges. When I became a parent, I slowly had to accept I’m not my own anymore. My thoughts couldn’t just be about me. The world tells you. you can do this, that and everything above. We’re led to believe that in so much we take on shows how much were equipped for our roles as a parent. Us women work 3 or more to provide and stay afloat.
I might be the 1st to say and stand 10 toes on it but, no one was ever meant to parent alone or even do the most to parent but it’s the reality for most. The main goal in parenting is to raise your children. Now how we raise our children is based on our upbringings and or personal beliefs. With that being said, it hasmt stop me as a parent of feeling emotionally depleted, financially incapable, mentally drained, physically unsatisfied and spiritually lost. All this while being a mother. once married, divorced, working a job and keeping up with 5 personalities including mine. Somewhere I was overdone being tired. I don’t think it was the tiredness that really was my issue. It was honesty to be truthful. To admit anything, I would have to reckon with myself, that I’m the one who really holding me from feeling the way that need to on my parenting journey.
When I think about rebuilding myself while with having children, my foundation is solidified. I have come to an reckoning and reassurance that I already have all that I need. So with that being said. This is how I daily build myself while parenting.
In rebuilding myself , there was one thing I needed to do 1st, and that was to:
Stop Comparing
Indirectly and directly I did this. The type of comparing I was doing was looking at the good people were projecting and looking at my life. I’m not the show-and-tell type of person, but what I’ve come to learn is all that people put is not what it really seems to be. From magazines to TV screens and listening to the radio and hearing what things may seem to be, all that stuff kept me captivated in my mind. Until one day I realized, whatsoever I think is what I will see. One time, a person told me I had a big nose, and I believed it for a long time. I believed it so much that every time I woke up in the morning and looked in the mirror, that was the only thing I saw—that so-called big nose. Until I started to root myself in God’s word about me: “I’m fearfully and wonderfully made,” and the nose on my face was enough for me. Honestly, my nose wasn’t as big as I thought it would be. See, the mind has ways to play on your vision, so stay in your own lane because God knows how He made each and every one of us. That’s when I knew I was slowly finding me.
Lessen my Circle of Friends
There is a time and season for everything. That time and season also extends with friends. If you can’t be choosy with what you share with your friends, then you need to subtract some from the equation. I’m not the person to say that if you are a parent, you need all your friends to have kids. What I will say is that lessening your friends helps us parents to not get taken over by our friends’ opinions. Honestly, I have had friends who have children themselves and are opinionated about situations that they are not dealing with. As I lessen my friends, I look to keep friends who know me, not just with their feelings, but with the spirit and heart. With those two things, it stands the test of time when it comes down to family issues and life circumstances. A good example is, I wouldn’t have to apologize to a friend if three weeks go by and I haven’t called due to family issues. We can just pick back up where life stopped.
Give myself Grace
Life happens, and it might keep happening. But God allows a do-over every time we wake up in the morning with breath in our lungs. So what you are not today doesn’t mean you won’t be there tomorrow. With every step we progress, we get closer and closer. Things happen in my lifespan that made me feel like I failed. I was even depressed when I actually lost everything. My God allowed me to realize if I don’t apply Grace to my life, then I will always be stuck. If you’re wondering what Grace is, it is God’s unmerited favor and divine assistance to do what is necessary so that we can rely on Him to get things done. In any situation, in my own self and willpower, I wouldn’t be able to reckon with the difficulties, but Grace.
Accept that its a Journey
Be patience , watch, learn and don;t rush. I had to learn that. I don’t think , I’ve learned it the hard way but rather so the langest way. I wanted so bad to be that girl I used to be after having children and while parenting. Not knowing and accepting that woman was not who I was supposed to be becoming. So while not be patient, I had plenty of like detours. When I didn’t pay attention, I repeated situations that I already been in but wasn’t watchful. Rushing to learn and learning while rushing could’ve been the death of me because when you learn something you can speak up about it and be truthful not only to others but to oneself.
Understand my Children’s Journey
When I mention this, I’m not suggesting that we should let our children be completely free-spirited and explore without limits. I hold a strong belief in the scripture that instructs us to “Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it.” What I’m trying to express is that children will naturally have their moments of struggle. Not all of my children are A-B students; some may receive C’s, D’s, or even an F in math. These challenges shouldn’t break you or define who you are. In our home, we have five distinct personalities, and I can imagine what teachers have said and may continue to say. Wherever my child is at in their life, giving correction and praying for them with expectations is how life goes. For the most part, this world will make us feel and tell us when our children choose, it’s our fault, but will forget all the extra worldly things they have to combat with.
Keep a village
I learned that you can’t do nothing alone. It’s harder alone. It’s confusing alone. I actually came to find out that you talk to yourself more when you feel like you’re alone. The whole point is when trying to get back on solid, level ground, you need the right support. Days are never the same, and headaches come from overthinking and undereating because we try to do everything and be everything. The village is not just for a day out and away. Don’t get me wrong, we need that, and I need it too. The village is actually for support when we are drowning and need some reassurance. A village reassures us of who we are and whose we are.
Learn me all over again
I’m at this place where I am just in awe of how beautiful, creative, lovable, and funny I am. Some days I’m not free of my thoughts, but what’s different is I know just what to say to myself to put all that foolishness to rest. I speak life in the morning. I speak life before I go to bed. What I thought I couldn’t do, each day I take my time to get things done through Christ who gives me strength. I stay in my lane, and in my lane, I indulge in things that are reasonable and priceworthy for me and my family. This is me, and I am rebuilding what was there all along; just got other stuff dumped on top. Now, I have plowed my ground so the right foundation can be set. Ready to bloom in due time.
How about you…..
Yours Truly,
Another Layer gone…..
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